Many studies show that self-control contributes greatly to success in all areas of life. There are so many people who are constantly trying to improve their self-control, but the problem is that the efforts they put in are often not enough, because sometimes what they lack is not the will, but the right methodology.

In this article we will understand what self-control is and how it can be improved and strengthened in our lives.

What is self control?

Self-control is the ability to consciously direct your willpower to the desired result.

A person with self-control can:

· Resist temptations.

· Manage his impulses.

· Think clearly even in problematic situations.

· Regulate his thoughts and feelings.

· To deal with tension and stress situations in a balanced way.

· To achieve his goals.

· Make better decisions.

· Improve his self-esteem and mental well-being.

Why is it important to develop self-control?

Self-control is important because it allows you to build a more fulfilling life, and achieve your long-term goals. Through self-control you can develop positive habits that will lead to significant results over time. Furthermore, self-control will help you improve your self-esteem and self-confidence.

The marshmallow test

One of the best examples of the importance of self-control is the results of the well-known marshmallow experiment, conducted by psychologist Walter Michel from Stanford University. Its purpose was to test children's ability to delay gratification and the extent of their self-control.

The experiment began by bringing each child into a private room, sitting them on a chair and placing one marshmallow on the table in front of them. At this point, the researcher offered a deal to the child and told him that he was going to leave the room, and that if the child did not eat the marshmallow until he returned, then he would get another marshmallow. However, if the child decided to eat the first marshmallow before the researcher returned, then he would not get the second marshmallow. That means one marshmallow now, or two in 15 minutes.

As you can imagine, the footage of the kids waiting alone in the room was quite amusing. Some children jumped up and ate the first marshmallow as soon as the researcher closed the door. Others wiggled, jumped and spun in their chairs as they tried to restrain themselves, but eventually succumbed to the temptation after a few minutes. Some of the children smelled the marshmallow, licked it, looked away and even tried to sleep. Any method of distraction was good as long as it worked.

Marshmallow (Photo: Ingeimage)

The results of the study were surprising: 30% of the children managed to hold back and wait 15 minutes and received the reward, while 70% of them did not resist the temptation and ate the only marshmallow.

But the interesting part of the experiment came years later.

As the years passed and the children grew, the researchers conducted follow-up studies and tracked each child's progress in several areas. What they found was surprising: it was found that the children who waited patiently for the second marshmallow became successful in every measurable ability. In other words, this series of experiments proved that the ability to self-control and delay gratification is critical to success in life.

Self control is a muscle. It takes practice, patience and dedication to strengthen it properly.

Eight tips for achieving self-control in the various areas of life

1. Start small

Set small goals and reward yourself for completing them. For example, if you want to reduce the time you spend on social media, start by putting your phone in another room for 30 minutes. Then, gradually increase the amount of time you don't go on social media.

2. Think big

Always remember your big picture. When you understand the long-term effects of your behavior, it is easier to maintain composure and self-control.

3. Avoid temptations

This is an effective way to get the most out of your self-control. Avoiding temptations ensures that you don't "use up" available self-control before it's really needed, whether it's the desire to eat, drink, hang out, or engage in some other unwanted behavior. One way to avoid temptation is to find a healthy distraction – go for a walk, call a friend, exercise, or whatever it takes to distract yourself from whatever is tempting you at the moment.

4. Plan ahead

Check what are the possible situations that could break your resolve, and think about what actions you should take to be able to control yourself. For example: If you're trying to reduce your sugar intake and you're having trouble controlling your late afternoon cravings, pack a well-balanced lunch full of fiber, protein, and whole grains, which will keep you fuller longer.

5. Focus on one goal at a time

Your energy is a limited resource, so setting many goals at once (such as making a list of several New Year's resolutions) is usually an ineffective approach, which can reduce your self-control in other areas. It is better to choose one specific goal and focus your energy on it. Once you adapt to yourself the behaviors required to reach the goal, you will not have to devote much effort to maintain them, since it will become a habit. This is the stage where you can move on and focus on achieving another goal.

6. Set boundaries

Setting boundaries allows you to listen to yourself, and decide things before doing them. The more you recognize the limits you want to set for yourself, the more confident you will feel and you will be able to move towards achieving your goals.

7. Take responsibility

Take responsibility for yourself, your actions and your outlook on life. Taking responsibility is a necessary step to improving your self-control.

8. Practice self-assertiveness, but don't be hard on yourself

Assertiveness is an essential virtue for self-control, but it is important that you remember not to be too hard on yourself. Remember that the way to develop self-control is gradual. This is a self-education process that progresses gradually, step by step, so it is essential that you give yourself the necessary experience time.

Merav Dayan is a personal and business coach, and an expert in increasing self-confidence and changing thinking patterns. for further details

Merav Dayan (Photo: Shlomi Yosef)